Just so you all know, Linda and Gary have started a blog for their stint in Mexico. They're not quite there yet, but the blog can fill you in on the adventures they are having in the meantime.
orphanministryatlily.blogspot.com
Enjoy!
Mary Ellen
By the way, Lauren and I are hoping to head back to Lily for a visit before the end of March, so if any of you are interested in making the drive (yes, we're driving!), splitting some gas money, and seeing those kids we love.. let one of us know.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Here is the end.
First, I wanted to show you a few pics and video from the recent Christmas outreach, and then are lots more from my last days at the orphanage.
Navidad en la Calle- Lily's Christmas Outreach. I've never seen an orphanage put on event of this magitude. Or heard of it, really. What God did through Lily of the Valley was pretty amazing.
Shacks in the neighborhood where the event was held- Colonia Soledad.
The choir girls getting ready. (Merm and I missed a lot of the prep because we were picking up lots and lots of chicken and mashed potatoes...some of these are Samuel's photos. He was a picture-taking machine that day.)
Lorena.
Merm actually took this while we were on the road that day. I think she mentioned earlier that Mexicans can strap anything to a truck. Example number two.
More of Colonia Soledad.
The crowd. This shot was taken by Irela.
Mama and Papa addressing the crowd.
A sea of people waiting to eat.
Brisa (totally staged) serving food to the kids.
A group of friends with their yummy food. I said to Mary Ellen, "Isn't that boy in the middle cute?" And she responded, "He came through the gift line twice, trying to lie and get extra gifts." Can't blame him, I guess.
Marcela and Rubi hanging out during the festivities.
Lots of this.
Every kid loves some candy.
Brenda and Mama, the two women that worked so hard to make this happen.
Paloma, a good friend of Mama and Papa, is trying to work with the huge crowd ready to received their gifts. She's awesome.
Mary Ellen ran into a boy named Axel, who lived at the orphanage briefly, and is now back with his family living in this community. Here he is with his family after they received their gifts.
This is hilarious to me. Mama wanted him to take a picture of her with EVERY kid as they received their gift. The woman is nuts.
Okay, now on to the "last days" portion. I took tons of pics, with each one wondering, "Will this be the last?" So here are a few.
Karla and I one morning before school.
Samuel and the girls that love him.
Rubi and I. I road the bus to school with the elementary kids one day last week. At one point the kids pushed me down into my seat and all crowded around me so I couldn't get up. They had the driver of the bus go a little faster than normal over one of the giant speed bumps to watch me fly into the air. The kids thought it was hilarious. This was taken right afterwards.
Irela, Ana, and I on the bus.
My two favorite girls- Andrea and Jaci.
Andrea LOVES carrots.
I found Joanna one day just chilling in the sandbox by herself.
I'll miss these sunsets.
This one. Well. There aren't really words to describe it. I don't really know what Brenda (left) or Flor (right) were thinking. You never know what they're thinking.
I LOVE this of Rebecca. She was running to catch the bus and was asking if I'd hold her Barbie for her while she was at school. Such a pitiful face. I said yes, but what I didn't know is that minutes early she asked Mary Ellen, who told her no. Woops.
One of those- this might be the last picture together- pictures. (Brisa and I)
Jasmin lost a tooth!
I'll miss this, too.
Miriam and Leticia, two girls that really tested my patience but I loved, on the road home after an adventure into Chihuahua.
This was taken several weeks ago, but I never posted it. On Saturdays the kids don't do their hair- don't you love their bedheads? (Brisa, Cielo, Gaby)
Here's Brisa, explaining that we're at Oxxo and that Vito's inside buying food. When Cielo and Gabi see him walking out of the store with chips that are possibly for them they gasp and say, "Papitas (chips)" simultaneously. Nothing exciting. I just love watching our kids.
Those animals...
Here're a few videos I wanted to show you weeks ago but wasn't able to. Here, Marcela, Karla, and Flor are admiring the pigs. They asked me if pigs bite (I think), and then proceeded to tell me that one time Daniel (an elementary kid) got bit by a pig. What do you think, girls?
This one is my fav. If you didn't know, Flor is an animal lover. She's feeding the goats, and then I asked her to count them. She counted six. But there were only four. Poor thing.
Actually, this one might be my favorite. You can hear Marcela's laugh, which is so distinctive, and Flor's silly personality is really shown. Karla is with the two girls and they're all demonstrating their goat-feeding methods. Oh, I miss these kids!!! Don't know if we mentioned it, but Flor and her sister Jasmin actually left. A week or two ago I said they were leaving, but they didn't. They ended up leaving the day Merm and I were supposed to fly home. I didn't even get to say goodbye... I just pray that their homelife is better than the orphanage. I worry that it isn't.
Speaking of Flor, here are a few of her back over the summer. I just love the girl.
Ana, Flor, and Jasmin goofing off with me instead of picking up trash.
I've been staring at photos for hours, sorting through those that I want to frame on my walls and put into an album. And I have to tell you, it's hurting my heart. My days are somewhat busy, as I'm trying my best to settle back into being home. Unpacking, catching up with friends and family, and sleeping are all priorities each day (because I'm unpacking really slowly). And so an hour, maybe, can go by without me thinking too much about where I came from. For that reason, studying these photos is just awful. I can't stop thinking about the kids and wonder what they're doing and how they're doing. I wonder about the staff- if they're having a good day, or if they're in the middle of something stressful. And more than that, wondering if I'll go back. I hate it. I want to look forward- to the ministry I coould have here in my hometown, opportunities to work and to serve, but my thoughts keep backtracking. I went to church this morning, and while it was awesome to be back- to sing songs in English and fully understand the sermon- I was overwhelmed with emotion when the service began. For five months, I prayed and sang with a hundred kids and several amazing staff every single day. And as much as I missed community in Louisville and to worship in my own language, I miss Lily. I miss praying with the staff for the kids, and for protection over the house, and for whatever was on the hearts of Mama and Papa. Don't think I'm not praying for them now. Because I am. But I miss being a part of it. What does all this mean? That I'm gonna go back and do it all over again? I don't know. Mary Ellen shared the song with me about the girl who was exposed to orphans in Africa and is now compelled to do something with her knowledge. I guess I feel the same, but right now I can ONLY think about the kids at Lily. My question to the Lord is, what do You have for me now? Do I only support the orphange through financial donations and continue with life in Kentucky, do I go back down to work again, or will I adopt one day? These are all very likely options, and I'm just ready to know what it's gonna be. Do you sense a little impatience? I'm encouraged by those of you who have maintained a relationship with Lily and pray that Mary Ellen and I will be the same way. We hope to connect the Louisville area with Chihuahua so that even more hands can be a part of what God is doing there. I want to say thanks so those of you who've supported us financially, through prayer, or words of encouragement. I never felt alone because I knew that so many people back in the states were concerned for us and wanted good things for us.
Please pray for the staff this holiday season because December is a busy time. The kids are invited to lots of parties (many of which are at the orphanage) and while it's fun for the kids, the prep work and cleanup makes lots of extra work for the adults. Also, pray for protection over the kids, as many of them will go home to visit family for Christmas.
This is my prayer, and I pray the same for you:
Teach me you way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11
Salmos 86:11
Instruyeme, Senor, en tu camino
para conducirme con fidelidad.
Dame integridad de corazon
para temer tu nombre.
Can't believe this is it. Thanks again for supporting us through this journey. I'm sure I'll being seeing you.
Peace,
Lorena
Navidad en la Calle- Lily's Christmas Outreach. I've never seen an orphanage put on event of this magitude. Or heard of it, really. What God did through Lily of the Valley was pretty amazing.
Shacks in the neighborhood where the event was held- Colonia Soledad.
The choir girls getting ready. (Merm and I missed a lot of the prep because we were picking up lots and lots of chicken and mashed potatoes...some of these are Samuel's photos. He was a picture-taking machine that day.)
Lorena.
Merm actually took this while we were on the road that day. I think she mentioned earlier that Mexicans can strap anything to a truck. Example number two.
More of Colonia Soledad.
The crowd. This shot was taken by Irela.
Mama and Papa addressing the crowd.
A sea of people waiting to eat.
Brisa (totally staged) serving food to the kids.
A group of friends with their yummy food. I said to Mary Ellen, "Isn't that boy in the middle cute?" And she responded, "He came through the gift line twice, trying to lie and get extra gifts." Can't blame him, I guess.
Marcela and Rubi hanging out during the festivities.
Lots of this.
Every kid loves some candy.
Brenda and Mama, the two women that worked so hard to make this happen.
Paloma, a good friend of Mama and Papa, is trying to work with the huge crowd ready to received their gifts. She's awesome.
Mary Ellen ran into a boy named Axel, who lived at the orphanage briefly, and is now back with his family living in this community. Here he is with his family after they received their gifts.
This is hilarious to me. Mama wanted him to take a picture of her with EVERY kid as they received their gift. The woman is nuts.
Okay, now on to the "last days" portion. I took tons of pics, with each one wondering, "Will this be the last?" So here are a few.
Karla and I one morning before school.
Samuel and the girls that love him.
Rubi and I. I road the bus to school with the elementary kids one day last week. At one point the kids pushed me down into my seat and all crowded around me so I couldn't get up. They had the driver of the bus go a little faster than normal over one of the giant speed bumps to watch me fly into the air. The kids thought it was hilarious. This was taken right afterwards.
Irela, Ana, and I on the bus.
My two favorite girls- Andrea and Jaci.
Andrea LOVES carrots.
I found Joanna one day just chilling in the sandbox by herself.
I'll miss these sunsets.
This one. Well. There aren't really words to describe it. I don't really know what Brenda (left) or Flor (right) were thinking. You never know what they're thinking.
I LOVE this of Rebecca. She was running to catch the bus and was asking if I'd hold her Barbie for her while she was at school. Such a pitiful face. I said yes, but what I didn't know is that minutes early she asked Mary Ellen, who told her no. Woops.
One of those- this might be the last picture together- pictures. (Brisa and I)
Jasmin lost a tooth!
I'll miss this, too.
Miriam and Leticia, two girls that really tested my patience but I loved, on the road home after an adventure into Chihuahua.
This was taken several weeks ago, but I never posted it. On Saturdays the kids don't do their hair- don't you love their bedheads? (Brisa, Cielo, Gaby)
Here's Brisa, explaining that we're at Oxxo and that Vito's inside buying food. When Cielo and Gabi see him walking out of the store with chips that are possibly for them they gasp and say, "Papitas (chips)" simultaneously. Nothing exciting. I just love watching our kids.
Those animals...
Here're a few videos I wanted to show you weeks ago but wasn't able to. Here, Marcela, Karla, and Flor are admiring the pigs. They asked me if pigs bite (I think), and then proceeded to tell me that one time Daniel (an elementary kid) got bit by a pig. What do you think, girls?
This one is my fav. If you didn't know, Flor is an animal lover. She's feeding the goats, and then I asked her to count them. She counted six. But there were only four. Poor thing.
Actually, this one might be my favorite. You can hear Marcela's laugh, which is so distinctive, and Flor's silly personality is really shown. Karla is with the two girls and they're all demonstrating their goat-feeding methods. Oh, I miss these kids!!! Don't know if we mentioned it, but Flor and her sister Jasmin actually left. A week or two ago I said they were leaving, but they didn't. They ended up leaving the day Merm and I were supposed to fly home. I didn't even get to say goodbye... I just pray that their homelife is better than the orphanage. I worry that it isn't.
Speaking of Flor, here are a few of her back over the summer. I just love the girl.
Ana, Flor, and Jasmin goofing off with me instead of picking up trash.
I've been staring at photos for hours, sorting through those that I want to frame on my walls and put into an album. And I have to tell you, it's hurting my heart. My days are somewhat busy, as I'm trying my best to settle back into being home. Unpacking, catching up with friends and family, and sleeping are all priorities each day (because I'm unpacking really slowly). And so an hour, maybe, can go by without me thinking too much about where I came from. For that reason, studying these photos is just awful. I can't stop thinking about the kids and wonder what they're doing and how they're doing. I wonder about the staff- if they're having a good day, or if they're in the middle of something stressful. And more than that, wondering if I'll go back. I hate it. I want to look forward- to the ministry I coould have here in my hometown, opportunities to work and to serve, but my thoughts keep backtracking. I went to church this morning, and while it was awesome to be back- to sing songs in English and fully understand the sermon- I was overwhelmed with emotion when the service began. For five months, I prayed and sang with a hundred kids and several amazing staff every single day. And as much as I missed community in Louisville and to worship in my own language, I miss Lily. I miss praying with the staff for the kids, and for protection over the house, and for whatever was on the hearts of Mama and Papa. Don't think I'm not praying for them now. Because I am. But I miss being a part of it. What does all this mean? That I'm gonna go back and do it all over again? I don't know. Mary Ellen shared the song with me about the girl who was exposed to orphans in Africa and is now compelled to do something with her knowledge. I guess I feel the same, but right now I can ONLY think about the kids at Lily. My question to the Lord is, what do You have for me now? Do I only support the orphange through financial donations and continue with life in Kentucky, do I go back down to work again, or will I adopt one day? These are all very likely options, and I'm just ready to know what it's gonna be. Do you sense a little impatience? I'm encouraged by those of you who have maintained a relationship with Lily and pray that Mary Ellen and I will be the same way. We hope to connect the Louisville area with Chihuahua so that even more hands can be a part of what God is doing there. I want to say thanks so those of you who've supported us financially, through prayer, or words of encouragement. I never felt alone because I knew that so many people back in the states were concerned for us and wanted good things for us.
Please pray for the staff this holiday season because December is a busy time. The kids are invited to lots of parties (many of which are at the orphanage) and while it's fun for the kids, the prep work and cleanup makes lots of extra work for the adults. Also, pray for protection over the kids, as many of them will go home to visit family for Christmas.
This is my prayer, and I pray the same for you:
Teach me you way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11
Salmos 86:11
Instruyeme, Senor, en tu camino
para conducirme con fidelidad.
Dame integridad de corazon
para temer tu nombre.
Can't believe this is it. Thanks again for supporting us through this journey. I'm sure I'll being seeing you.
Peace,
Lorena
Friday, December 14, 2007
Now that I have seen, I am responsible.
I'm gonna start with a few videos. I had finished this whole thing, pictures and all, and it mysteriously disappeared. I had to add-over the pictures and re-type it all. I'm still annoyed about it. Surprisingly, I'm missing some pictures that Loty has on her computer from the week before. Bummer.
Here's a little picture of our abuelo/gramps of Mexico. He's awesome... he loves the cookies we bake.
I love this of Gaby. I miss this little one.
This was our going away present. This song along with Barbie's, stuffed animals, and miscelaneous candy.
Didn't know a pair of mattresses could be so fun.
More of the same mattress stuff... but I love it. Listen to those laughs.
Check out that backdrop as we set up the food tables.
Stage set-up. They made that stage the night before.
The doodling I did in high school came in handy.
I never figured out what these skits were about, but I loved the stuffed dog costume.
They are amazing
THE FOOD:
A family of boys waiting for food from the tables of:
enough pizza for 3000 children, 1000 pieces of Kentucky Fried Chicken, 500 mashed potato cups, over 4000 gellatin cups, pasta with cheese sauce, and a juice box (aka Pau-Pau).
We totally staged pictures of the kids from Lily helping the kids of Colonia Soledad.
They were playing the "too cool" act for the camera at first, but they broke at the last minute.
John.. who is still in Mexico with his wife.. and a couple of the girls.
PRESENTS!
She's such a cabbage patch doll.
Here's proof. I had one of these as a little girl.
Mama and a kiddo.
The "Brinka, Brinkas":
Javier played a little too.
So miniature. She had not chance.
Nohema directing the kids... and Sergio.
Amazing how they pulled this off.
Silvia with a friend from the area. Her mother lives here as well.
Irela with one of the boys from the neighborhood.
Ask us how confident we were that this would last the 15 minute drive to the church? Not at all.. but it absolutely made it. Mexicans can tie anything down to a truck.
_________________________________
My last cold, rainy morning with the boys. Don't they look devestated?
Believe it or not, I miss driving these roads.
These are pictures from the party for the kids thrown by some school. I went camera crazy because I was afraid there was a kid I hadn't documented. Seems impossible, I know.
Tonio was smiling a minute before.
Boni... I don't know what to say about his little get up.
Manuel is back. Featured here with Rafa.
Two of my faves.
The group handing out presents to our kids.
Julien with a gift... looking turtle-like.
Little Brenda. What a character. A third of my stories include this lil' one.
So many presents.
Ana Karen played my camera games with me.
I'll miss you, Jaci.
The beginning of our life back in the States. We had some buddies over to my parents Friday night to fellowship and catch up...
Kat and Ryan- two of our newlywed pals. In Mexico some of the girls would play like they were me and my good girl friends. Kat was one of them. It was funny to hear them try to pronounce "Kathleen."
Our buddy Smitti. He came over last night with some friends. We were showing him pictures from Mexico and he said, "You all had a blog?" I told you Michigan folk that you read this more than our friends.. now you have proof.
Me and little man. My nephew, Isaac. Awesome picture, eh?
Lil' I watching the game. My brother, his daddy is coach.
So, which one of these places is the foreign country? Mexico or the U.S.? I thought that Mexico would make me uncomfortable, but I feel like a stinkin alien around here. I'm writing this from one of my very favorite coffee shops here in Louisville with a delicious white mocha. I am in the middle of my old neighborhood. The house that I lived in with three of my best pals is walking distance from here. My church is just a few blocks away. The previously familiar streets, shotgun houses, and little stores make me a little nervous. I don't really want to talk to anyone, and at any moment I could break out in tears. My mom said to me a little bit ago, "I know, you want to be back in Mexico." I don't know if that's what I'm feeling, but I do feel an emotion that I believe has not yet been defined. I am so sad... but I cannot explain it. I just want to sleep. Maybe my dreams will hold something familiar.
Goodbyes were emotional, but not nearly as bad as I had thought. The house has been so busy that there wasn't a lot of time to feel the effects of leaving. Our "last night" (so we thought... Andrea had another idea) we had the girls watching a movie while we finished packing. We then went around the room and passed out the girls' gifts. They loved the pictures. In fact, we probably could have given them nothing else. One after the other would run up and say, "Remember that time..." and then they would go on to describe whatever we were doing in the picture. A few girls got really emotional, the expected ones, really. When they came home from school the next day and we were still home, they gave us an incredible welcome, and said "We couldn't focus in school.." or "We heard a plane flying and thought it was you all!" What a blessing it is to be loved by them. 24 hours later, we really did leave. We spent all day going back and forth between emotions... total sadness, excitement, shock. Right before we landed, Lauren and I had this sweet friend moment where we were just overwhelmed to the point of tears (not the awkward, public weeping type) at what the Lord had done in our lives over the past 5 months. What a beautiful mercy. We landed and were greeted by a surprisingly sizely group of friends and family. This world is so familiar... yet so strangely unfamiliar now. I give myself about 2 weeks. I think I'll adjust in time.
Thanks to a friend, I stumbled across this little musician Brooke Fraser from New Zealand. Apparently she spent some time in Rwanda and met numerous orphans there. This song hit me in the middle of the night Thursday...
Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go `til you are
I am on a plane
Across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
And in the dust on, the dust on my feet
And I'll tell the world
I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them, Albertine
I don't know what's next. Thanks to the sweet mercy of my God, I think I have a temporary job lined up that I know I'll enjoy and could be a good transition place for me. My old bosses are too kind. :) But, then what? I have a thousand thoughts... and even more ideas. This has always been my problem. The Lord has exposed me to a people in Mexico.. a small (in size) and neglected population of children that is in need of love and guidance. Yet, they are one group of so many in the world. My church has been doing some work in Africa.. Ethiopia and the Sudan. I hate to the point of tears what is happening to so many children worldwide. And it's here in the States as well. We prayed for the orphans of the world weekly, at times daily, and I'm passionate about it. So... do I go again? And if so, where? I'll be 25 years old in a month. At what point do I "settle down" or do I ever? All this is running over and over in my mind, but I don't want to pray. What a fool I am. Sins I hadn't considered in months are back as I have returned to the environment they rest in. I think I'm a little mad at myself and even at the Lord. I have so much I want to work through, but life is already feels so busy. The evenings have been full, and tomorrow, Sunday, I'll drive many an hour to Mississippi to work on houses and rebuild some of the destruction of that crazy hurricane that swept across our nation just a few years ago. Amidst the group of 17-ish I know only my dad, but I'm told the beach is close enough to skip to and the weather has been in the upper 70's. We're done every day by 5. I don't know why the Lord has me doing this, but apparetly I'm supposed to go. The needs of the world are endless, eh? We could never rest and still make no dent. I feel like I'm putting a bunch of little band-aids on these big nasty gashes in need of surgery. I don't want to stand by and do nothing, but I still need to process Mexico. There's so much to process.
I've written too much, but it should be the last time. In fact, I've procrastinated writing on here just because I know it is the end. Maybe I'll write a time or two more... pictures of Mississippi? :) Thank you for reading all these months, for loving us though many of you hardly know us, and for loving the kids of Lily. The Lord is good. Good beyond words. I pray you've been encouraged to seek Him and find your joy and satisfaction in Him while living out His love sacrificially. I still don't get it, but we're being chipped away. One day we'll be glorified with Him. I can't wait.
To God be the Glory.
Mary Ellen
Here's a little picture of our abuelo/gramps of Mexico. He's awesome... he loves the cookies we bake.
I love this of Gaby. I miss this little one.
This was our going away present. This song along with Barbie's, stuffed animals, and miscelaneous candy.
Didn't know a pair of mattresses could be so fun.
More of the same mattress stuff... but I love it. Listen to those laughs.
Check out that backdrop as we set up the food tables.
Stage set-up. They made that stage the night before.
The doodling I did in high school came in handy.
I never figured out what these skits were about, but I loved the stuffed dog costume.
They are amazing
THE FOOD:
A family of boys waiting for food from the tables of:
enough pizza for 3000 children, 1000 pieces of Kentucky Fried Chicken, 500 mashed potato cups, over 4000 gellatin cups, pasta with cheese sauce, and a juice box (aka Pau-Pau).
We totally staged pictures of the kids from Lily helping the kids of Colonia Soledad.
They were playing the "too cool" act for the camera at first, but they broke at the last minute.
John.. who is still in Mexico with his wife.. and a couple of the girls.
PRESENTS!
She's such a cabbage patch doll.
Here's proof. I had one of these as a little girl.
Mama and a kiddo.
The "Brinka, Brinkas":
Javier played a little too.
So miniature. She had not chance.
Nohema directing the kids... and Sergio.
Amazing how they pulled this off.
Silvia with a friend from the area. Her mother lives here as well.
Irela with one of the boys from the neighborhood.
Ask us how confident we were that this would last the 15 minute drive to the church? Not at all.. but it absolutely made it. Mexicans can tie anything down to a truck.
_________________________________
My last cold, rainy morning with the boys. Don't they look devestated?
Believe it or not, I miss driving these roads.
These are pictures from the party for the kids thrown by some school. I went camera crazy because I was afraid there was a kid I hadn't documented. Seems impossible, I know.
Tonio was smiling a minute before.
Boni... I don't know what to say about his little get up.
Manuel is back. Featured here with Rafa.
Two of my faves.
The group handing out presents to our kids.
Julien with a gift... looking turtle-like.
Little Brenda. What a character. A third of my stories include this lil' one.
So many presents.
Ana Karen played my camera games with me.
I'll miss you, Jaci.
The beginning of our life back in the States. We had some buddies over to my parents Friday night to fellowship and catch up...
Kat and Ryan- two of our newlywed pals. In Mexico some of the girls would play like they were me and my good girl friends. Kat was one of them. It was funny to hear them try to pronounce "Kathleen."
Our buddy Smitti. He came over last night with some friends. We were showing him pictures from Mexico and he said, "You all had a blog?" I told you Michigan folk that you read this more than our friends.. now you have proof.
Me and little man. My nephew, Isaac. Awesome picture, eh?
Lil' I watching the game. My brother, his daddy is coach.
So, which one of these places is the foreign country? Mexico or the U.S.? I thought that Mexico would make me uncomfortable, but I feel like a stinkin alien around here. I'm writing this from one of my very favorite coffee shops here in Louisville with a delicious white mocha. I am in the middle of my old neighborhood. The house that I lived in with three of my best pals is walking distance from here. My church is just a few blocks away. The previously familiar streets, shotgun houses, and little stores make me a little nervous. I don't really want to talk to anyone, and at any moment I could break out in tears. My mom said to me a little bit ago, "I know, you want to be back in Mexico." I don't know if that's what I'm feeling, but I do feel an emotion that I believe has not yet been defined. I am so sad... but I cannot explain it. I just want to sleep. Maybe my dreams will hold something familiar.
Goodbyes were emotional, but not nearly as bad as I had thought. The house has been so busy that there wasn't a lot of time to feel the effects of leaving. Our "last night" (so we thought... Andrea had another idea) we had the girls watching a movie while we finished packing. We then went around the room and passed out the girls' gifts. They loved the pictures. In fact, we probably could have given them nothing else. One after the other would run up and say, "Remember that time..." and then they would go on to describe whatever we were doing in the picture. A few girls got really emotional, the expected ones, really. When they came home from school the next day and we were still home, they gave us an incredible welcome, and said "We couldn't focus in school.." or "We heard a plane flying and thought it was you all!" What a blessing it is to be loved by them. 24 hours later, we really did leave. We spent all day going back and forth between emotions... total sadness, excitement, shock. Right before we landed, Lauren and I had this sweet friend moment where we were just overwhelmed to the point of tears (not the awkward, public weeping type) at what the Lord had done in our lives over the past 5 months. What a beautiful mercy. We landed and were greeted by a surprisingly sizely group of friends and family. This world is so familiar... yet so strangely unfamiliar now. I give myself about 2 weeks. I think I'll adjust in time.
Thanks to a friend, I stumbled across this little musician Brooke Fraser from New Zealand. Apparently she spent some time in Rwanda and met numerous orphans there. This song hit me in the middle of the night Thursday...
Now that I have seen
I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go `til you are
I am on a plane
Across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
And in the dust on, the dust on my feet
And I'll tell the world
I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them, Albertine
I don't know what's next. Thanks to the sweet mercy of my God, I think I have a temporary job lined up that I know I'll enjoy and could be a good transition place for me. My old bosses are too kind. :) But, then what? I have a thousand thoughts... and even more ideas. This has always been my problem. The Lord has exposed me to a people in Mexico.. a small (in size) and neglected population of children that is in need of love and guidance. Yet, they are one group of so many in the world. My church has been doing some work in Africa.. Ethiopia and the Sudan. I hate to the point of tears what is happening to so many children worldwide. And it's here in the States as well. We prayed for the orphans of the world weekly, at times daily, and I'm passionate about it. So... do I go again? And if so, where? I'll be 25 years old in a month. At what point do I "settle down" or do I ever? All this is running over and over in my mind, but I don't want to pray. What a fool I am. Sins I hadn't considered in months are back as I have returned to the environment they rest in. I think I'm a little mad at myself and even at the Lord. I have so much I want to work through, but life is already feels so busy. The evenings have been full, and tomorrow, Sunday, I'll drive many an hour to Mississippi to work on houses and rebuild some of the destruction of that crazy hurricane that swept across our nation just a few years ago. Amidst the group of 17-ish I know only my dad, but I'm told the beach is close enough to skip to and the weather has been in the upper 70's. We're done every day by 5. I don't know why the Lord has me doing this, but apparetly I'm supposed to go. The needs of the world are endless, eh? We could never rest and still make no dent. I feel like I'm putting a bunch of little band-aids on these big nasty gashes in need of surgery. I don't want to stand by and do nothing, but I still need to process Mexico. There's so much to process.
I've written too much, but it should be the last time. In fact, I've procrastinated writing on here just because I know it is the end. Maybe I'll write a time or two more... pictures of Mississippi? :) Thank you for reading all these months, for loving us though many of you hardly know us, and for loving the kids of Lily. The Lord is good. Good beyond words. I pray you've been encouraged to seek Him and find your joy and satisfaction in Him while living out His love sacrificially. I still don't get it, but we're being chipped away. One day we'll be glorified with Him. I can't wait.
To God be the Glory.
Mary Ellen
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